<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Missing You by PekoIsBaby</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682265">Missing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PekoIsBaby/pseuds/PekoIsBaby'>PekoIsBaby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Curse me for getting emotionally attached to rairpairs, F/M, Fuyu doesn't show up but I swear the ship exists in this universe, Hajime Hinata is very sad, Hajime gets four S/Os what of it, Hajime has a lot of hands, How?? Do you tag Imp??, I headcanon them as using all pronouns but I use they here for simplicity, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Kuzuhina, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamorous Character, Still not entirely sure I tagged Imp correctly aaaa, They/them Pronouns for The Ultimate Imposter, anyway uhh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:36:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PekoIsBaby/pseuds/PekoIsBaby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime remembers those that he's lost and reflects on how he's changed. </p><p>Takes place the day after trial 5.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chou Koukou Kyuu no Sagishi | Ultimate Imposter/Hinata Hajime, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Nanami Chiaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Missing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I cried while writing this! Yay!</p><p>Hajime didn't start out being my favorite character (and he's still not my top) but boy howdy do I love him</p><p>Imp and Hajime are a rairpair I didn't expect to love but I'd literally die for it oh my lord</p><p>This fic is *so* self-indulgent</p><p>I wrote this for Hajime's birthday but I've only just started posting fics, so,,,, happy late birthday king</p><p>Is the title a reference to the Starkid song? I'll never tell! </p><p>Spoilers for up till and including chapter 5 of Goodbye Despair</p><p>I just love these characters so much. </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Hajime Hinata crawled into bed, mind cold and empty and buzzing. He pulled the covers up to his neck, and, then, after a moment of hesitation, pulled them up over his head and hair, hoping he might completely dissolve into the comforter.</p><p class="p1">He wasn’t crying, not quite. He felt raw, somehow—scratched from the inside out, like his skin no longer fit right. There was a dull ache behind his eyes, pulsing like the hammer of a drum or the steady thud of blocks against stone-</p><p class="p1">Hajime squeezed his eyes shut. Bad brain. No thinking about it.</p><p class="p1">In his years of life, Hajime had perfected the art of not giving a shit. He worked hard to greet every victory, every failure, every opportunity, and, especially, every person with the same pessimistic nonchalance. Excitement over success had gotten his heart crushed, every single time. It was just easier to assume the worst. Easier to keep your heart locked. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all had never lost anything in their life.</p><p class="p1">Then came this trip—and, by extension, this game. Filled with eccentric, stupid, overzealous, annoying kids his age. Kids who knew exactly who they were. Kids who weren’t afraid of being themselves.</p><p class="p1">“I wouldn’t quite say that.” Hajime froze at the voice. The swirling of his thoughts settled into a chorus of utter bewilderment and fear. At first, he almost didn’t want to look. After all, this had to be some sort of trick; the person to whom the voice belonged was…</p><p class="p1">“Dead, yes, but I hardly think that matters.”</p><p class="p1">“What does that even mean?”</p><p class="p1">A chuckle. “Can’t tell you.”</p><p class="p1">Finally, Hajime pulled the covers down and found himself face to face with Byakuya Togami.</p><p class="p1">“What the <em>fuck</em>?”</p><p class="p1">“Calm down. I’m not really here.” They sat down at the edge of Hajime’s bed. The covers didn’t displace at all. “Call me a ghost, if you’d like, or a hallucination. It doesn’t matter to me.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime drew the sheets closer to himself, in some sort of vain attempt to protect himself. “I have no idea what’s happening.”</p><p class="p1">“Figured I’d pop in, say hello, see how you were doing.” Byakuya’s eyes glinted. “If I’m not mistaken, you recently got some rather interesting information on me.”</p><p class="p1">Oh. Right. This <em>wasn’t</em> Byakuya Togami, not really. Hajime felt slightly ridiculous talking to what he had no doubt was an empty room (he’d probably never been this deep into grief before, so he figured a little hallucination might be par for the course), but he was… curious. “What <em>is</em> your name? And pronouns, actually.”</p><p class="p1">Their frown deepened. “To the best of my recollection, I don’t have one. I’ve always been… one person, or another. I told you, didn’t I? My name is whoever you want me to be, whoever gets me what I need.” They thought for a moment. “As for pronouns… I’ve never particularly cared one way or another.”</p><p class="p1">“Isn’t that lonely? Nobody knowing who you are, I mean.”</p><p class="p1">“In a sense, nobody knows who you are,” they pointed out. “Are you lonely?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime sucked in a breath, thinking about the question. “I don’t know,” he answered finally. “I thought… I thought maybe I didn’t have to be, anymore.”</p><p class="p1">“Because of her, right?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime closed his eyes. “And… maybe him, too.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to think about it.”</p><p class="p1">“So… what, you’d rather sit here and wish for the impossible? Giving up is no longer an option, Hajime. You’re reaching your final days here.”</p><p class="p1">“And what about you?” Hajime tried not to sound whiny, but he couldn’t help but ask. “Wasn’t it giving up when you…” he clenched his fists against the sheets, twisting them aggressively into his fingers. “You didn’t have to die.”</p><p class="p1">“Would you have preferred for me to let Nagito take the impact?” There was no sarcasm in their voice. It seemed to be a legitimate question.</p><p class="p1">“Yes! No! No, no, no… I don’t…” Hajime felt angry, hot tears press at the back of his eyes, but they didn’t push further. “You were safe. I trusted you. I didn’t… I thought you’d get us out of this. I thought that, maybe, we had someone who knew what they were doing. You were my…” What? Colleague? Friend? Stupid, weird crush? Hajime didn’t have the words, and, even if he did, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve explained it to them. “I didn’t want to care that you were alive, and… I think I missed the opportunity to. That scares me.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry.” They extended a large hand, and, against his better judgement, Hajime took it. It felt real. “I’m sorry I left you. All of you. It wasn’t my intention.”</p><p class="p1">“You were supposed to protect me.” Hajime knew he sounded like a little kid, but it was true, wasn’t it? They’d promised. They’d promised to prevent a killing from occurring, and… and they’d lied. They’d left Hajime alone, with a confusing tangle of feelings that didn’t make any sense.</p><p class="p1">They didn’t respond to his statement, instead opting to stare into the wooden floor with an expression Hajime couldn’t place. Hajime felt fear seize him at the idea of the two of them being quiet, of missing an opportunity to ask questions or give answers. He was suddenly (and inexplicably) certain that, if this really was the last time he’d ever speak to them, he needed to get as much conversation out of the person beside him as possible. Every second of silence was a moment between them wasted.</p><p class="p1">“Do you actually sound like that?”</p><p class="p1">Their eyes widened in surprise. “Like what?”</p><p class="p1">“All… formal and shit. Like an old man. Is that how you talk, or how Byakuya talks?”</p><p class="p1">They smiled, shaking their head. “I don’t know. What would you prefer me to sound like?” They visibly brightened, offering two fingers in a chipper peace sign. “Ibuki could, like, totally sound like this if she wanted!” Remarkably, their voice had molded into a decent approximation of Ibuki Mioda’s.</p><p class="p1">“That’s really creepy,” Hajime admitted. “I miss your Byakuya voice.” He flushed. “Not… like that.” They probably weren’t thinking like that. Shut up, brain.</p><p class="p1">“I understood,” they said, voice back to normal. “It must be unsettling, getting used to someone and learning that everything you knew about them was a lie. But, to answer your question… both, I suppose. I sound like whoever I’m imitating. I’m method like that.” Their eyes twinkled, and Hajime got the impression they were telling some kind of secret joke. He had no idea what method meant, but he almost felt his lips twitch.</p><p class="p1">“Can I ask one more question?”</p><p class="p1">“Of course.”</p><p class="p1">“Why did you lie to us?”</p><p class="p1">They scoffed. “Why does Kazuichi build things? Why does Fuyuhiko curse too much and hide his inferiority complex surrounding his height? I’m the Ultimate Imposter, Hajime. Lying about myself is sort of my job.”</p><p class="p1">“No, I- I guess that’s not really what I’m asking.” Hajime’s eyes burned a hole into his sheet. “Why… why did you lie to me?”</p><p class="p1">Their lips tightened. “It wasn’t pleasant.”</p><p class="p1">“You could’ve told me.”</p><p class="p1">“I tried to.”</p><p class="p1">“But you could’ve been a little clearer,” Hajime insisted. “I would’ve… I would’ve listened. And I would’ve wanted to know, too.”</p><p class="p1">“You wanted to know who Byakuya was. Finding out that I wasn’t Byakuya would’ve caused you to lose whatever trust you had in me completely.” They stood. “I’m going to take my leave, Hajime. It was lovely talking to you, really. I’d say that, with any luck, I’ll see you again, but that might be in poor taste given… current losses.” Hajime felt his gut twist. “Goodbye.” They moved to leave.</p><p class="p1">“Bya- um- Imposter?”</p><p class="p1">“You can call me his name, Hajime, I won’t be offended.” They didn’t turn from the door.</p><p class="p1">“No, I, um…” Hajime searched his mind for the right words. “I just want to say that I trusted you. Not Byakuya, or… the Togami heir, or the Ultimate Affluent Progeny. I trusted the person who went a little overboard on protecting people, and who ate amounts of food that I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen in one place before, and didn’t break a sweat when being insulted. What I trusted wasn’t your name, it was just… you. I <em>still</em> trust you.”</p><p class="p1">Their shoulders stiffened, but otherwise they seemed completely unaffected. “That’s… that’s very nice to hear. Thank you.”</p><p class="p1">They were gone before Hajime could say another word, leaving him to slump back into his bed.</p><p class="p1">It was strange, learning that someone you cared about wasn’t who they said they were. Hajime had never been angry with the Imposter, just… a little offended. Jealous, maybe, of anyone who knew. It left him wondering if they’d told anyone, if they’d ever confided in any person about their true identity. He wondered what made him someone that they felt they couldn’t confide in.</p><p class="p1">Hajime shook off the thoughts. The Imposter was dead. It was useless to wonder.</p><p class="p1">Whatever Imposter had said, the fact remained that Hajime was the odd man out among the group. They all had something - whether they were strong or smart or creative or crafty - and they each knew exactly how to use what they had. Hajime had been annoyed with them—for not taking anything seriously, for being goofballs, for being themselves so aggressively that it left no room for anything else. He had been scared of them—for being so abrasive, for caring for one another so quickly, for having that special something that he just didn’t.</p><p class="p1">He’d loved them—for being so bright, so bold, so powerful. He’d wanted to worship them, in some strange place in the back of his mind.</p><p class="p1">“Tell me about it.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime groaned, almost unsurprised by the voice, even as his chest seized with a nearly physical pain. He buried his face in the covers.</p><p class="p1">“Aw, c’mon, you don’t want to talk? Aren’t we supposed to be friends?”</p><p class="p1">“You,” Hajime managed from beneath the comforter, “are not my friend.”</p><p class="p1">Nagito’s unimpressed tutting sent rage through his spine. He wondered how he’d actually missed this guy.</p><p class="p1">This guy, who was dead in a warehouse right about now.</p><p class="p1">Hajime shot out of the covers, scrambling towards light, towards vision, towards Nagito. The instant he remembered that horrible, terrifying scene, he realized that he needed to see him now, needed to know for sure that he was really there and not gone forever (well, he was certainly that last one, but Hajime didn’t care too much about semantics).</p><p class="p1">There he was, hoodie perfect and clean, pants seamless, face lacking the existential horror that had been so abundantly clear the last time Hajime had seen it. He smiled when he saw Hajime.</p><p class="p1">“Good, you’re here. I was beginning to worry you didn’t want to see me at all.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime slumped. “I don’t.”</p><p class="p1">“Could’ve fooled me.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t,” Hajime said with more conviction. “You tried to kill me.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, pish posh.” Nagito waved his hand dismissively. “I’ve successfully killed more people by accident than that little stunt ever would’ve pulled off. I had a suspicion my plan wouldn’t work, anyway. My luck has a way of coming in cycles, and, after all that good luck, it makes sense I was due some bad.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime felt himself growing angrier. “Then you let her die.”</p><p class="p1">“I couldn’t have possibly known who was going to die. She wasn’t even my first guess. And, anyway, are you forgetting the part where I wanted her to live? My goal was for the rest of you… well, you’ll likely find out soon enough.”</p><p class="p1">“Fuck you.”</p><p class="p1">Nagito let out a chuckle. “I wish.”</p><p class="p1">Spluttering and pink-faced, Hajime threw a pillow at him. It missed. Of course it did.</p><p class="p1">“If you’re not angry at me for sort-of-trying-to-kill-you - and, trust me, I had my reasons - and you’re not angry at me for definitely not trying to kill her…” Nagito stepped closer. “Then why are you angry at me?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime glared at him. “I definitely am angry at you for both of those things.”</p><p class="p1">“Unjustly so!” Nagito protested.</p><p class="p1">“Very very justly so!” Hajime argued. “Extremely justly, in fact!”</p><p class="p1">“Come on, Hajime.” Nagito sat in front of the bed, looking up at him, gray eyes completely unreadable. “If you can’t tell the ghost-hallucination of your worst friend and best enemy about your feelings, who <em>are</em> you going to open up to?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime’s glare didn’t lessen, but he sighed. “God, you’re insufferable.”</p><p class="p1">“I know.” God, did his voice have to be so fucking soft? It wasn’t fair.</p><p class="p1">“I hate you.”</p><p class="p1">“I know.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime felt his voice crack. “I miss you.” Nagito didn’t respond. “I don’t know why. I feel like I shouldn’t. It just… it seemed like you’d always be there. You were… you made everything worse, but I couldn’t just ignore you.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ve often been compared to an annoying itch,” Nagito supplied. “Not the most flattering metaphor, but, then, I’m not the most flattering person.”</p><p class="p1">“I never got to sort it out.” Hajime sat up. “That’s what I’m angry about. I never got to figure out what I felt about you. I never got to be angry at you for all the shit you’ve been pulling since day one, and I never got to… to forgive you, and now it feels like being angry is selfish because I miss you so goddamn much and I don’t know what to do with it.”</p><p class="p1">“Mm. Makes sense, I suppose. I’m not sorry, although I have the distinct feeling that I should be.” Nagito smiled widely. “You wanted to forgive me?”</p><p class="p1">“Badly,” Hajime admitted. “And I… I wanted to understand why I cared so much about you. I hated you, I thought… frankly horrible things about you, and I meant them… and I was so scared of anything bad ever happening to you. I wanted you to… I don’t know. Leave? Stay with me? Something. I felt strongly about you, and now I’m never going to get closure on what that meant, and all I’m doing is wasting time being angry.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, time being angry is never wasted.” Nagito cocked his head with a grin. “And, for what it’s worth, I miss you, too. Very badly, in fact. I’ve told you before that I love you, haven’t I?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime shook his head. “You don’t know what love is.”</p><p class="p1">“Maybe not,” Nagito said. “Neither do you, though.” He sighed. “I would’ve liked to figure it out with you, that’s all. Later, maybe, when I wasn’t so sick. You deserve someone less sick.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime sighed. “You deserve to be less sick.”</p><p class="p1">“I guess we’ve both been cheated, huh?” Nagito stood, smiling, and bent to kiss Hajime’s forehead with more tenderness than he’d ever shown in life. “I’d love to stay and chat longer, but… well, someone else wants to see you, and I have no doubt you’d rather talk to her than me.”</p><p class="p1">“Nagito, <em>wait</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">Hajime felt a fierceness take hold in his chest. “I mean it. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than being a dead, sick kid who never got the help you needed. You deserved <em>better</em>.” Again, he felt tears push against his eyelids and spill across his waterline, but not fall.</p><p class="p1">Nagito, shockingly, had to blink away tears as well as he laughed. “Hajime, I…” he stood, hand over Hajime’s. “I hope you’re right.”</p><p class="p1">And he was gone. Hajime wiped tears away and curled up in his bed again, hating how much he loved him. Or, maybe, loving how much he hated him. He wasn’t quite sure. Nagito had always been like that: A force of nature, something untamable and terrifying and a little bit intoxicating, like a car accident that you couldn’t drag your eyes away from. But there was something else, too, below the surface of Hajime’s absolute mess of feelings surrounding the guy. It was, he supposed, exactly as he’d said: He wanted Nagito to get better. He wanted him to find real happiness and stability, and be safe in his own body, and… and maybe, if he ever got there, he wanted to be the one sitting next to him throughout it all.</p><p class="p1">But he would never get the chance to.</p><p class="p1">He’d learned a lot on this island. He’d found out things that would’ve seemed trivial and stupid to an old him, but that he now treasured as much as any piece of gold or perfect test score. He knew that Mahiru had preferred her morning coffee with a splash of milk and one spoonful of sugar, but that she always put more sugar in because Hiyoko had liked to take sips out of her mug. He knew that, when Kazuichi became overwhelmed, speaking became a little too difficult and he switched to sign language, which - to Kazuichi’s horror and everyone else’s delight - was a language he only shared with Gundham Tanaka (Hajime had been trying to learn, too, especially in Gundham's absence, but it was a slow process). He learned that Mikan sometimes didn’t want to communicate at all, and, through that, he learned how to sit quietly with someone and not feel awkward or alone. He learned that Akane needed comfort food when something bad was happening - something hearty, and big, and usually salty - and he’d learned that the simple act of checking up on her meant more than she’d ever know how to say. He’d learned how to care about his fellow classmates, to embrace their oddness as they’d embraced his. He’d learned to trust them. A little.</p><p class="p1">And he’d lost them, one by one. And it had hurt, but he hadn’t let it hurt so badly that it broke him. He was careful. He never let them destroy him. He never let himself care enough to be unable to function when they went away. Nagito was a strange and unreadable exception, but he was different, in a completely infuriating and undefinable way. And, then, of course…</p><p class="p1">She’d made him feel safe. He was certain he could talk to her about anything for hours, and she’d listen. More than that, he wanted to listen to what she had to say, to every funny and simple and ridiculous and poignant and dark and happy and sad thought that entered her head. He wanted everything. He wanted to sit next to her on the beach and ask unanswerable questions about love until, somehow, they both understood. Maybe Nagito was right and he didn’t know what love was, but he knew that he’d loved her. In whatever way he did know.</p><p class="p1">Hajime’s relationship with love was complicated. He knew he was scared of love, but he also knew that he wanted as much of it as possible. He knew he didn’t understand what it meant to love someone, but he knew that he felt differently about Imposter and Nagito and <em>her</em> than he did about anyone else. Even now, he was realizing Fuyuhiko, with his standoffish demeanor and bright heart, might fit that bill, too. He knew that, as Nagito put it so succinctly, he wanted to figure it out with them. All of them. And he knew that, for most of them, he’d never get the chance to.</p><p class="p1">He heard her come in before she spoke. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d heard, just that he was suddenly distinctly aware of a presence where there was none before. Immediately, he felt sharp pain in his chest.</p><p class="p1">“Hi, Hajime.”</p><p class="p1">He let out a silent half-sob that shook his body. Sitting up immediately, he turned to see Chiaki Nanami, staring at him with a half-sleepy expression. She stepped close enough for him to reach, and, without thinking, Hajime grabbed her hoodie and pulled her into a tight, desperate embrace, holding her in the absolute terror that she might disappear.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“</p><p class="p1">“Jeez, you’ve gotten mushy.” Chiaki forced her head off his shoulder to look at him. “What’re you sorry for again?” She absent-mindedly brushed a tear off his cheek.</p><p class="p1">“I… I killed you.” Fresh tears sprang to his eyes. “I didn’t… I didn’t want you to die.”</p><p class="p1">“You did what you had to to keep going. I’m not angry about that.”</p><p class="p1">“No, but I am.” Hajime didn’t let go of her, certain that, the moment he stopped touching her, she’d go away.</p><p class="p1">“Hajime…” Chiaki pressed her lips together. “Your friends would all have died if you hadn’t figured it out. You saved them.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime dropped his eyes to the bed. “Is it bad that I don’t care? That I’d kill them all myself if it meant I could have you back?”</p><p class="p1">“You don’t mean that… I think.” Chiaki grabbed his hand. “You have a bigger heart than you’ve ever given yourself credit for. And you know they all need you.”</p><p class="p1">“No, they don’t.” Hajime fiddled with the sheets as he spoke, desperate for something to do with his hand that wasn’t around Chiaki. “I’m pretty useless without you.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s not true,” Chiaki said softly. “You are… you are strong, and smart, and kind, and you are the most amazingly talented person I’ve ever met, got it?” She laughed, a sad and half-broken sound. “I’m… I’m so glad I got to meet you. I’m so glad I got to be a part of your story. But you need to understand that your story isn’t over, okay? Mine… mine’s been over for a really, really long time. And I’m so sorry…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m so sorry that I lied to you. And that I had to leave you. It’s not fair to you, I know.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime furiously wiped at his own eyes, wishing that he could form a coherent sentence without breaking up. “I wanted you to stay. That’s all I ever wanted, was for you to… I don’t know, just stay.”</p><p class="p1">“I wanted that, too.” Chiaki squeezed his hand.</p><p class="p1">“And I… I wanted to say so much to you. I can’t even think of all of it now, I just… I wanted to tell you everything. How I was, how I thought, what I was doing, and… and how I felt. About you.”</p><p class="p1">Chiaki looked almost pained at the words. “Hajime.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“Just… don’t, okay? It’s only going to hurt more for both of us. We both know what… what we were. It’s okay. That’s enough, for me.”</p><p class="p1">It wasn’t enough. It couldn’t ever be enough. But the last thing he wanted was to make Chiaki cry more, so he just nodded and held her again.</p><p class="p1">“Hajime?” Her voice came muffled against his shirt.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Can you… tell me about something? Anything’s fine.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime thought for a moment. “Um… I know I said milk comes from cows, but a lot of animals actually get milked.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Um… goats… sheep… horses, I think… camels and reindeer, too…”</p><p class="p1">“Is reindeer milk any good?”</p><p class="p1">“I dunno, I’ve never had it.”</p><p class="p1">“Okay. Tell me more, please?”</p><p class="p1">“Cows have thirty-two teeth.” Hajime wasn’t sure where he’d gotten all the cow facts from, but they stuck in his head. “They chew food for eight hours per day, and a lot of it winds up partially digested in their main stomach until they can digest it and use it as fuel.”</p><p class="p1">He could feel Chiaki’s nose wrinkle against his shoulder. “Yuck.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime laughed. “Yeah, it’s kinda gross, but it’s pretty cool, too.”</p><p class="p1">“I think so, too.”</p><p class="p1">They stayed like that for hours, talking about absolutely nothing of importance, clinging to each other. Not once did the word “dead” come out of their mouths. They didn’t talk about how Chiaki probably wasn’t really there. They didn’t talk about Nagito, or anger, or loss. They didn’t say that they missed each other. They just talked about video games and cows and oranges and childhood toys until the sun was heavy and low in the sky.</p><p class="p1">“I should go.” Chiaki’s voice came after a lull of silence in which he actually thought she’d fallen asleep.</p><p class="p1">“No, I… just a little longer, please?”</p><p class="p1">“Hajime, this isn’t real.”</p><p class="p1">“I know.”</p><p class="p1">“No, you don’t.” Chiaki sat up, looking at him with something he couldn’t place in her eyes. “I’m… I was always temporary. Soon you’ll understand what I mean. But this… us… how we are, right now, isn’t temporary. My memory isn’t temporary. You’re going to have me forever, just as much as you would if I’d survived. You have to know that, alright? As long as you keep my memory, you’ll never, ever lose me.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t understand,” Hajime whispered.</p><p class="p1">“I know you don’t, dummy.” Chiaki smiled. “But you will. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. Just… stick by the others, okay? They’re going to need you, I think.” She stood. “I love you, Hajime. I know I wasn’t supposed to say that, but I do.”</p><p class="p1">Hajime felt his throat tighten. “I love you, too.”</p><p class="p1">Chiaki’s tears fell across her cheeks as she disappeared, leaving no trace that she’d been there at all.</p><p class="p1">He hadn’t thanked her.</p><p class="p1">Chiaki had been the one he’d trusted the most. Above all others. He would’ve gone through anything for her. Even after he found out about what she was, even after he knew that, in some twisted way, she was responsible for Nagito’s death, he still couldn’t help but swear up and down that, for Chiaki Nanami, he would’ve burned the world.</p><p class="p1">Hajime sobbed into his pillow for the rest of the evening, begging gods he didn’t believe in to please, please bring them back. He couldn’t live without any of them. He wanted them back.</p><p class="p1">But Chiaki was right. He had to keep going. He had friends who needed him, and… and the people who weren’t with him anymore weren’t going to preserve their own memories. He’d keep going for them.</p><p class="p1">No matter what happened, he wouldn’t let himself forget them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I exist to cause pain. :D</p><p>I just,,, want them all to be hApPy,,,, but they cAN'T- </p><p>It's f i n e I'm f i n e . </p><p>For anyone who hasn't seen Chiaki's FTEs, there's one where she reveals she doesn't know where milk comes from and Hajime ends up infodumping about cows to her so now I have the headcanon that Hajime just *really likes cows*</p><p>My friends and I played game 2 together and we did Fuyuhiko's FTE about milk directly after Chiaki's FTE about milk and we legitimately wondered if chapter 5 turned all the FTEs into milk-related scenes</p><p>It was just a coincidence but it was hilarious</p><p>Thanks for reading! :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>